What We’ve Lost

The rhythm of life feels different these days. Time has felt like it stands still. And then it speeds up. And then slows again. Endless days and weeks of sameness. At the same time, we’ve had an opportunity to focus on things we haven’t had time for. Some days productive, some not. Some days guilt-ridden for feeling like we’re wasting this time, the gift of these days. Or guilt-ridden for struggling when we’re ok. Or are we even ok? Some days yes, other days maybe not so much. Everything is the same but at the same time, everything is so very different.

The impact of this time will be unique for each of us. Did we just survive? Did we do ok? Did we end up thriving? No answer is right or wrong. We all do hard things differently. I do know I have been ok because of the people who love me. Leaning when I need to lean and offering that same grace. The ebb and flow of human connection, often at its most beautiful when things are hard. We will be ok together.

And if this isn’t the time to thrive, maybe the thriving will come after we return to our old lives? You know that saying “you never know what you have until it’s gone?” We all feel that now. I particularly felt the depth of that loss yesterday. I had a socially-distanced, masks on, outdoor meeting for Best Buddies. I set an alarm, got up and showered, got dressed in something other than lounge pants, blew dried my hair, put on a little make up, grabbed a granola bar and coffee and rushed out the door. And honestly, I had not felt that alive in a long time. I didn’t realize how much I missed all of this until I fought rush hour traffic, drank my coffee and saw my reflection in the mirror with some lipgloss on.

Was it because it was my old routine? Because a morning like that signaled a productive day? A chance to connect and do something I loved? A reminder of what used to be? Today I settled back into quarantine life. And that was ok too. Because I had that glimpse of “before” and what will be again.

I know I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. But I actually think author Clarissa Wild said it even better when she said, “People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.” I think that is one of the greatest truths I’ve ever read. We never thought we would lose this.

I think we all expect to experience big losses at some point. The loss of love, the loss of life, the loss of security. An unexpected diagnosis or news that changes everything. Those soul-shattering times with a hard dividing line of your life “before” and “after.” And we are terrified of those big losses, knowing the deep grief and struggle and irreparability of life “after.” They change the lens through which we forever look at life.

But this? Not being able to run out the door with your coffee and fight rush hour traffic to get to work? Getting our kids up and fed and tucked safely on a school bus? Rushing home to make dinner and rushing back out to sports or scouts or dance? Going to baseball games and concerts or out to dinner? Shaking a hand or giving someone a hug? We never thought we would lose this. And yet here we are. Grieving. Growing. Being ok. And sometimes not ok. And it’s all ok.

The thriving has to come when we’re on the other side of this, doesn’t it? When we appreciate the rushing. When we appreciate the fullness of our lives. I think it has to. Because we know what we had. And we now how it feels to lose it.