I was talking to my mom today about this summer and how we’re officially halfway through break. And we agreed that, for lack of a more eloquent term, this summer has sucked. A part of me feels guilty for feeling that way — we’re healthy, have a home and food, and people who love us. How can I feel bad that our summer isn’t filled with our usual adventures and all those things that make summer sweet? It’s a loss, for sure, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re good.
And leave it to memories to give me perspective. This is one of my most favorite photos of Ian and me. It was taken 11 years ago just days before his open heart surgery at 3 months of age. Before we embarked on a journey where our baby surviving the surgery was the easiest part. His chest that couldn’t be closed, a pacemaker, pulmonary hypertensive crises, chest and lung infections, couldn’t get him off the ventilator. Ian hearing me singing to him and having his heart race and having to be sedated to let his heart heal. So much hard.
THAT summer sucked. This summer just isn’t what we expected it to be. It’s ok to grieve that. But I’ll take this summer over that summer any day.