I did it. Well, Ian did it. He stayed home alone for the first time today. It was only for about fifteen minutes and part of it was spent reading a book over FaceTime with Grammy. But he did it. He stayed home alone while Joey and I took the dogs for a walk.
When I think about all the big dreams I have for Ian, what I want most of all is a life of his own choosing. Because isn’t that the pinnacle of adulthood? Making your own choices? But those big dreams don’t just happen. Like everything else, it starts with a baby step. And then another one. And another one. And if I want this kid to live on his own, he has to learn how to be alone. So today, he did it. For 15 minutes. But he did it.
I find my growth as Ian’s mom has sometimes been linear and predictable, and at other times I am stretched. I treasure linear and predictable for the gift they are. Those times of being stretched are often painful, mostly when I am battling ignorance and stereotypes defining my son rather than him defining himself, when I need to push back against what the world sees as his ability and worth.
But as he gets older, I am finding that I need to be stretched in different ways too. That it is me who needs to let him go do, to figure things out, to create the life he wants for himself. Fellow mom and incredible advocate Beth Foraker shared the perfect term for this at last year’s National Down Syndrome Congress Convention – giving my son “the dignity of risk.” I have carried that with me, that reminder that he deserves that opportunity. And I need to be the one to give it to him.
So that’s what we did today. He stayed home alone. And do you know what the best part was? When he was done reading with Grammy, he snuck his Nintendo Switch. When we returned from walking the dogs, I crept in to see what he was doing and snapped this photo. Isn’t that one of the best parts of independence, being able to do what you want? He was home alone and wanted to play video games, so that’s what he did.
Home alone. A baby step, more for me than Ian. The dignity of risk. And the reward too.